yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
