My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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