FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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