Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
