I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
