Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
