If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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