Screwed.edu
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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