he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
