Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
