In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
