One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
