You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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