I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
