did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
