I think my vagina is haunted
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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