i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
