I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
