Just fell off a train. Bad.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
