Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
