i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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