The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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