So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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