my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
