I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
