No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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