I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
