You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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