In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
