We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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