I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
