I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
