Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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