the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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