bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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