nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
