I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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