Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
