PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
