I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
