Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
