I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
