I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
