Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she smelled like a LAN party
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
