I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
