Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
