I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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