Cold hands, warm shart.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
