I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
