hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
