Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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