Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
