My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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