someone get that fucking seahorse.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Blood and glitter go together right?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
