And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
