after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
